


For Forever

by thephantomrunner



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Gen, Language, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-11-16 21:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11260923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thephantomrunner/pseuds/thephantomrunner
Summary: The many times Jared and Connor hated each other and the one time they didn't, for Evans sake.





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> I keep writing stuff at 2 am and then waking up compleatlu confused that I just produce 'said stuff' \\_(-_-)_/ 
> 
> That means there's probably a loooooot of typos. I apologize in advance.

Jared rolled his eyes as he saw Evan putting books in his locker. There was nothing unusual about this. However, Connor Murphy was standing over him, leaning against the locker. It was a sight that quiet frankly pissed Jared off. He didn't even know why: he wasn't even Evans friend. He was just obligated to look out for him or his parents wouldn't pay for his car insurance. They were family friends. All he knew was that Connor didn't deserve to speak to him- obnoxious, sarcastic Jared Klienman- let alone sweet, anxiety filled Evan Hansen. 

Connor had never done anything to him personally, but he'd heard enough about him to dislike him. 

"Hansen! Hurry your ass up! I've been waiting in the car for five fucking minutes while you've been making out with your boyfriend! Jesus Christ, do you want a ride or not ?" Jared called walking over to Evans locker. 

"Oh, um Hi Jared. It's actually fine. Um Connor volunteered to walk me home. It's uh, yeah." Evan closed his locker, turning to face Jared. 

"Evan. You know if I had the choice I'd dump your ass on the side of the street and leave you there; but I'd make sure it was a safe street. Where there were no cars or animals where you could make it home safely. Otherwise my mom would kill me. Hey speaking of, text your mom and tell her I'm driving you home. Then she'll tell my mom and I won't get chewed out this afternoon. Thanks" 

"Klienman. I don't know if you heard, but he literally just said I could walk him home. It's fine, I got it." 

"Con-man! I did not see you there!" He enunciated everything with annoying precision. " Wow, yeah I know what he said. Except that I wouldn't trust you with my dead body, let alone to walk him home." He didn't want to admit it, but Connor was significantly taller than him, not to mention intimidating. His words were the only form of defense Jared had. " Hell, for all we know you could kill him. I mean you could be manipulating him right now. I bet you weren't even gonna take him home," 

"Jared, please. Let's, let's just go." Evan stammered tugging Jared by the arm, trying to prevent any possible fights. 

Jared either didn't hear Evan or he was ignoring him because he completely talked over him "Yeah I bet you were gonna drug him or something. Who knows what kind of gay thoughts are going through his head!" 

"Jared!" By now, Evans face was bright red. His lip was beginning to bleed because he had been chewing on it so fiercely 

"Oh don't think I didn't notice the heart eyes you two make at each other!" He watched in amusement as Connors lips pressed into a tight line and his face began to match Evans. "You're crazy ! Who knows what you would do to him!" 

Connor placed his hands on his head, tugging at the brown curls. "Oh my god, Klienman! I'm fucked up, but I'm not a mother fucking psychopath!" He glared at Jared before shifting his eyes to Evan. "See you, Hansen" he didn't smile as he turned around and stormed off. 

"Jared, why are you always so rude to him?" For once Evan didn't stutter. 

"Please! I'm just trying to tell the truth! Now hurry up and get into the car so my mom can pay me!" 

Evan rolled his eyes as Jared sped up in front of him. He just wished his to friends- (well friend and family friend) would get along. He hadn't even realized that he had stopped walking until Jared called to him "Can you stop thinking about your school shooter boyfriend and get in the damn car?" 

"He's not a school shooter!" Evan defended before he realized what else Jared had said " and he's not my boyfriend! " He jogged to the car to catch up with Jared, opening the door. 

"Mmmhmm. Whatever you say little guy," Jared closed his car door, watching as Connor flicked him off. 

Jared smirked and returned the gesture before fastening his seatbelt, and driving off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan skips the last few minutes of class to have lunch outside with Connor and Jared begins fights the other boy even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk why I write DEH at 3 am. I'm so tired. I know I'm gonna wake up and not remember writing any of this lol :) anyway I know there are a probably a ton of mistake. I'm gonna have to finish them when I edit them tomorrow

Jared and Evan always used to have lunch with each other. 

Jared would always wait for him outside his AP Physics room and he was always one of the first people out. 

Today Evan was nowhere to be seen. Jared had even went inside to ask the teacher if Evan had been in class. The teacher replied that he had left five minutes early to get ibuprofen from the nurse. Jared nodded politely, thanking her and leaving the room. 

Jared started to head for the lunch room. It was finally an Evan free lunch! No endless rambling about bonsai trees, no feeling the table shake as the other boy shook his leg, and best of all; he wouldn't have to hear about Connor fucking Murphy. He paused mid-step though. Evan was the only person he ever ate lunch with. He knew if he ate with Evan, he would end up eating by himself and he was not up for looking like a loser today. 

When he finally turned himself around to go back to the nurses office, he told himself that he was just checking on him so his parents would pay his car insurance. If something happened to Evan he knew his mom would blame it on him. 

Pshh, he didn't want to sit with Evan Hansen at lunch. No, he just wanted to stay in good favor with his mother. Yeah, that was it. 

When he reached the nurses office, he was most frustrated to find it empty. 

"Um, I'm sorry ma'am, but was there someone by the name of Evan Hansen in here?" 

"Evan Hansen? No, I haven't seen him today. Most people are at lunch at this hour. Why don't you check there?' The school nurse looked up at him over her glasses. 

"Thanks. I guess" he turned around briskly muttering under his breath, "For fucking nothing." He slipped his iPhone out of his pocket sending a quick text to Evan. 

Me: Where the fuck r u, Hansen? 

He stared at the phone screen angrily for a second before shoving it back into his pocket and storming off to lunch. 

He wasn't mad that he would have to find a different group of people to sit with- he'd just find Alana and Zoe Murphy. He was more mad that Evan didn't depend on him as much. He knew Evan was turning 18 in a few months and he was almost an adult, but it made him feel... a feeling he couldn't quiet place. He used to be able to dangle his friendship with Evan in front of the other boys face. He was able to get him to do what he wanted because Evan had nobody else. Now he had Connor. 

His phone buzzed. 

Acorn: im outside. 

Of course Evan was outside. Probably stuck in some dumb tree because he had a panic attack or something. He typed back a message, hitting the send button with an eye roll. 

Me: Wut the fuck r u doing outside? 

Almost instantaneously Evan responded.

Acorn: lunch 

Jared felt jealousy flare in his chest. Nope. Turn it off. It was not jealousy- he had no reason to like Evan Hansen, so why the hell should he care that he decided to have lunch without him? The most annoying part is, he knew he wasn't alone outside. 

Me: ur with murphy arnt u? Fukk ur probably high- did u skip class to get high with that fucker? My mom will kill me if she finds out abt this u dipshit. 

The worst part was, straight A student, Evan Hansen told his teacher he needed medicine when he really skipped the last part of class to get high with Connor Murphy? It would be fine if Jared did something like this- he was smart and knew how to conceal it. Evan was shit at hiding things and would get them both into trouble. 

His phone vibrated in his hand 

Acorn: nope :) not high :) all good :) 

The smiley faces were what put Jared Klienman over the edge. 

He jammed his phone in his pocket and stomped over the the field of trees by the soccer field. The closer he got, almost instantly he could make out a blue polo and a black hoodie. 

When he finally reached the two boys sitting peacefully under the tree, he glared down at Evan who smiled up at him in return. 

Upon Jared arriving, all of the laughter drained out of Connors eyes as he folded his arms and sucked in his cheeks. "Why the hell are you here, Klienman?" He questioned through gritted teeth

"I could ask you the same thing," Jared folded his arms, not taking his eyes off of Evan whose smile was slowly faltering. 

"Yeah, why are you here Jared?" Evan paused "I mean not that I don't want you here I mean it's totally great that you're here. I just um wanted to know why you weren't in the lunch room instead? I um-" 

Jared cut his ramble off "I was waiting for you by your classroom and when the bell went off you weren't fucking there!" He laughed in the most unamused way "Get this, I went to talk to your teacher. She said you were at the nurse. That's not even the funniest part! The best part is when I went to the nurse and she said she hadn't seen you all day! Isn't that hilarious. So I figured you either had a panic attack and left, were out here smoking weed with Con-man or he had chopped you up and used your body for compost for trees," 

"Oh, go fuck yourself, Klienman" Connor narrowed his eyes moving closer to Jared with a balled fist. Evan quickly grabbed it before Connor could do anything, shaking his head when Connor looked down at him. 

"Right back at you, Murphy. Right back at you. I mean you really can't blame me right? You're a psychopath" Jared said the last part tauntingly, but Connor had heard the other boy say it so many times in reference to him it had become more of his second name "Well, I can to make sure you weren't high or murdered- and unfortunately you were neither. Watch your back Hansen. I don't trust you Murphy. I'm watching you." 

He started to walk away but turned around quickly "And Evan your mom to tell my mom that I stood up for you! Gotta get that family/ friend bonding time" he quietly muttered "to keep my car" 

Evan rolled his eyes with a shrug while Connor continued to glare at the smaller boy as he walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connors point of view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some profanity in here umm a little bit of texting. All my DEH fanfictions are written at about 2 in the morning in a wierd stream of consciousness when I'm barly conscious so I apologize for any mistakes or sloppiness. I'll edit it later :) 
> 
> Ughh idk where this fic is going I just love Evan and Connor so much :)) 
> 
> Enjoy !

Connor sat in his room, waiting for a phone call or a least a text from Evan. Connor hadn't gone to school today simply because he didn't feel like it, so it gets boring after a while being locked up in your room. He had been doodling with a silver sharpie on his dark blue walls. 

It wasn't like he was skipping school. His mom knew he hadn't been there all week, and surprisingly she was okay with it. She figured as long as her son wasn't smoking or doing drugs, which he wasn't, and he was safe, she'd be content. Cynthia had brought up his meals for him along with a glass of water- all of them had gone uneaten. Connor always drank the water though, because he had to take his meds.  
That was another thing. Cynthia had cut her son a lot of slack, mostly because he was adjusting to his new medicines. 

Anyway, Evan had texted him. A few days ago. He always texted to make sure he was okay. Connor hadn't felt like carrying on a conversation with anyone but he always responded with a simple yes and that he'll see him soon. 

It had taken him a while to realize it, but Connor Murphy most definitely had feelings for Evan Hansen. And they were much stronger than friendly friendship feelings should be. When he was with Evan, he felt like he could be himself. He never had to hide anything, didn't have to keep up the emotionless stoner act. 

Connor had every intention of making a move on Evan, but there was always going to be in the way. No, it wasn't the fear of rejection. It would be rejection in any other case, but this was Evan Hansen. He wasn't worried that his feelings would ruin their friendship because he felt it had grown too strong for it to be breakable by feelings. 

No. The thing that stood between him and Evan was Jared Klienman. He hated the boy. Connor had never done anything to Jared to warrant the way the other boy treated him. Jared always felt a need to make side comments about everything he does. He makes remarks about his clothes, his hair, his nails, and his grades. He called him a drug addict, accused him of selling himself in return for money and has made endless statements about his sexuality, making it abundantly clear that it was okay for anyone else to be gay- except for Connor. Connor thought that one was pretty fucking stupid. But that wasn't the worse one. No, the worse one is that Jared thinks he mistreats Evan, something he would rather die before doing. He's constantly over Evans shoulder making sure "Connor hasn't hit you" or "The fucking psycho hasn't gotten you high" or "That the resident future school shooter hasn't fucked you yet." Connor would never do anything that would intentionally hurt Evan. 

See, there are many people in his life who he deserves malice from. He's fucked over his mother so many times- she has every right to be mad and throw him out. Or with Zoe. She didn't deserve to be treated the way he treats her. He doesn't know how to fix the damage in the relationships in his life, but he does know he would do anything in his power to keep Evan and his relationship in tact. 

As far as he is concerned, he has done nothing to Jared Klienman. Absolutely nothing. 

He stopped doodling on his wall to grab his phone and type Evan a quick message. 

Me: Hey. I hadn't heard from you today. Just wanted to make sure ur ok

Hansen:) : Hi Connor 

Hansen :) : yes. I'm okay 0:) 

Hansen :) : Did you miss me? 

Connor stared at the screen for a second before typing back. 

Me: whatever helps you sleep at night. ;)

Hansen :) : I'm happy you texted. I've been wanting to talk to you. 

Me: ill see u soon enough. Maybe we can go to the orchid tomorrow. I've been in my house all week. 

Hansen :) : ... 

Hansen :) : there was something I've been wanting to say to you 

Me: Im all ears 

Connor tapped his screen in anticipation. He wasn't sure what Evan could possibly have to say but it had to to be good. Evan had said he'd missed him, so he wasn't worried about rejection. It was taking Evan a while to type out what he was saying and that made his nerves a bit unsettled 

Hansen :) : U need to back off 

Me: umm.. Okay?? wtf, Evan. R u high? 

Hansen :) : No, bc unlike you I have self control, You're a fuking druggie why tf would u think id want to b friends with you. 

Me: seriously dude. What the fuck. This isn't funny. 

Hansen :) : Mayb not for u, but hell yeah it's been a fun ride for me. I know all your secrets and I can expose you for the demonic piece of shit psychopath you are. 

Me: ur high. Or drunk. Or both. Idk go tf to bed. 

Conor felt his chest tightening, his breath becoming short. He hoped Evan was high. 

Hansen :) : I don't do drugs bc I'm not like you. I'm so much better. I just wanted to tell u to back off. We're not friends, nobody likes you and ur a waste of space. Ur a disappointment to ur family and I don't kno why they didn't get rid of u when they had the chance. I fuking hate u you stupid fa-

Connor stopped reading and threw his phone against the wall as hard as he could. At this point he was having trouble breathing, a he was beginning to tug at his hair. He had long forgotten all of the coping mechanisms his therapist at taught him as he let his panic take over. 

The only thing he could comprehend was : Evan Hansen hates me, Evan Hansen hates me. "

"And I don't even fucking know why"


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a matter of hours, Connor and Evans relationship has deteriorated and it's all Jared fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I'm actually awake to write this :) 
> 
> Enjoy !

Evan spotted Connor by his locker 

"Hey!" He said walking over. Usually what would have happened is: Connor would have smiled, walked over and greeted him. Today, however, Connor slammed his locker shut and kept walking- maybe he hadn't heard Evan. "Connor! Hey I haven't seen you in a while." he jogged up to Connor, stopping finally when he reached him " I thought we were going to hang out yesterday? I called you a bunch and I texted you, but you never picked up" he gave him a tentative smile 

Connor looked at him, glared and continue to walk away. 

"Are you okay?" His smile faded and his shorter legs struggled to catch up with the taller boy. Connor continued to walk away, as if Evan had never spoken to him. "Connor, what happened?" Still he received no response from the other boy.   
Evan was beginning to get frustrated. Connor had gone through several mood swings with him and he usually told Evan that he needed to be alone. Never had he outright ignored him. 

"Connor!" Evan grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to face him. "Connor, " his voice softened as he tried to look into the other boys eyes. His green orbs were moving rapidly, looking anywhere but at Evan. His eyes were puffy, red and shiny. Evan wasn't sure if he had been crying or if he was just high. There were dark circles under his eyes and if he knew any better he was on the verge of having a panic attack. 

"Connor. Connor what's wrong?"he asked gently. 

It was clear that the other boy was crying, something Evan never thought he would do. Let alone in public in the middle of their school. Evan watched as Connors lips tried to formulate a sentence. 

After what felt like forever, Connor looked Evan straight in the eyes and said harshly "Fuck you," his voice broke as he pulled away from Evan, brushing past him. 

Evan was completely mortified. He felt his chest begin to tighten and his eyes began to flood as his best friend walked down the hall. Away from him. 

\----- 

Jared Klienman felt no guilt. Connor was dangerous. Who knows what he would have done to Evan? He needed to stop whatever was going on before it got dangerous. 

He wasn't jealous of Connor. There was nothing to be jealous of. He was rich, depressed, gay, had a horrible family, not to mention he was pretty attractive, and he had stolen all of Evans attention. Yeah, he most definitely was not jealous. He just hated the feeling that rose in his stomach whenever he saw Connor and Evan together. It was absolutely not jealously. 

It was a rare situation when Jared Klienman felt needed and when he was with Evan, he felt it. Jared himself didn't have many friends so it worked out in a way. Truth be told, Evan wasn't so bad , and when Connor had begun to take up all his time Jared began to realize this. 

He had learned to love Evan. Like a brother. Now Evan didn't need him anymore. Now he had fucking Connor Murphy. 

The worst part was Jared had absolutely nothing against Connor Murphy except for that fact. 

Jared replayed the events of the other night in his head. Evan had gone to the bathroom that night and Jared watched in jealousy as his phone lit up with text messages while his own phone stayed dry and alone. 

He unlocked Evans phone quickly and read over the message. Of course it was Connor mother fucking Murphy. Normally Jared's conscious would allow him to feel a little bit of guilt going through someone else's phone , but right now it told him that he was doing it for the greater good. He could save Evans life right now. 

He was going to delete the message that Connor had sent so Evan wouldn't know it ever came, but then his eyes caught Connors contact name: 

"Connor <3 "

The little red heart was what made his blood boil and he quickly typed back as Evan. He played along for as long as he could before he typed his own feeling into the message box. He impulsively hit send after every hurtful word he typed.

When he heard the bathroom door creak open, he quickly deleted all of Evans text messages with Connor before shutting off his phone and placing it where it had been on the couch. 

They sit in silence for a while, continuing to watch their movie. 

"Do you. Um." Evan looked at Jared "Do you think I could, um..." 

"' Do you think I could um' what?" Jared said annoyedly pausing the movie yet again. 

"Could I invite Connor over? " Evan asked

Jared quickly stood up, knocking the bowl of popcorn off the table "Fuck no! We are not getting high tonight! It's a boys night! Just you and I, like we always used to do it," 

Evan looked down, embarrassed. "Could I at least text him?" 

"No! Dude I already paused this movie a million times for you! I'm not doing it again. Now please shut up and clean up this popcorn while I go make more." 

Evan didn't say anything as Jared got up to pop another bag. 

As Jared walked into the kitchen, he couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit accomplished.

Now as he stood in the field looking for Evan, he still felt accomplished. 

He walked the field heading over to the lunch hall where he and Evan could finally have lunch together. On his way he saw Connor slumped in front of a tree. He had his hood on his head, his earbuds in his ears. He had a pencil incased in his long, pale fingers as he scribbled onto a notepad. He looked high as all hell. His eyes were red and there was no way emotionless Connor Murphy was crying. 

Jared shook his head as he entered the lunch hall, finding Zoe, Evan and Alana all at the same table. Alana was sitting down with her hand resting on Evans knee while Zoe stood over them, looking the least bit amused. Jared took the seat across from them. 

"Well well well, what are you ladies doing here?" Jared raised an eyebrow and smirked "Want to go for a ride on the Jared Train?" 

His horrible joke fell flat as he saw the expression in their faces. Evans face was red, like he hadn't been breathing for ages. Alana wore a face of confusion, while Zoe's face was as red as Evan but hers was from anger. 

"Alright? Who did what to who?" Jared pulled out his carrots from his bag.

Nobody responded, but Zoe raised an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, I'm taking to you, Miss Murphy. What did your dick brother do to Evan?" 

Zoe glared at Jared "What did my brother do to Evan? What did Evan do to my brother! Connor can be a dick, and I most defiantly do not condone any of his behavior. But, he's been doing better lately. He's really been doing better. And I'd like to think it's because of Evan. Until he comes crying to me last night, having a panic attack about how much Evan fucking hates him!" 

Jared face paled as Zoe turned to Evan. "Honestly I think he's so messed up because sick people like you enjoy fucking him over. It takes a person sicker than he is to do that. Whatever. I'm done," she turned on her heel, her boots clicking the floor as she left. 

"Evan, what did you do to Connor?" Alana asked, looking at him with confused eyes. 

"I didn't ... I-I don't know!" Evans struggled to get his words out as tears began to stream down his face. " I didn't do anything! He-he hadn't been at school! A-and I hadn't talked, talked to him- Now he hates me! I - I didn't even do anything! " he was cut off as he found it harder to breathe. 

"Evan? Evan. Look at me," Alana grabbed Evan by the shoulders, trying to quell his panic attack "Hey, Evan? Evan, I need you to breath with me. Come on, breath with me. In. 1. 2. Out. 1. 2." 

"Oh my god," Jared rolled his eyes. This was not how it was supposed to turn out. Connor and Evan were never supposed to speak to each other again. It was supposed to be a nice, clean, easy break so they could return back to their normal lives as if their whole friendship didn't exist. He watched as his friend struggled to try and breath. He had only managed to make things worse. He had figured by cutting Connor out of Evans life, things would be better. Evan wouldn't be skipping class, hanging out with Connor, hish chances of alcohol poisoning were lower and his overall life expectancy would go up. 

Jared stood up quickly, stuffing his food into his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. 

"Where do you think you're going?" Alana took her eyes off of Evan for a second "You're a horrible friend," she muttered only causing Evans panic to raise. "Nonono, Evan keep breathing with me. Come on. In. 1. 2. Out. 1. 2." She sighed as the boy continued to shake despite her effort. "I'm gonna take him to the counselor." 

Jared turned around and began to walk away before she could say anything else. 

Jared thought getting rid of Connor Murphy would solve all of his problems. Now that he was gone, they had only multiplied and as much as he hated to admit it- he needed Connor to fix things.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ughhh im so dissatisfied with this Chapter :( 
> 
> But I hope you enjoy it anyway! :))

"Ayyy, Con-man!" Jared called, the most awkward and superficial grin gracing his eccentric features. 

He was feeling bad... not guilty. Just bad. As much as he liked to deny it, Evan was his best friend and watching him have a panic attack- let alone one caused by him- was rather painful. 

Jared Klienmans way of caring about people is pretending not to care about them. 

"Fuck off Klienman," Connor was still sitting at the base of the tree, he looked up from his notebooks. 

"Well good afternoon to you too, Jesus Christ!" 

"I said 'fuck off' " Connors eyes darted back down to his notepad where he continued to doodle. 

"Oh no, I heard you. Doesn't mean I'm gonna listen. " Jared shrugged, sitting down at the base of the tree next to Connor. He watched as his pale hands balled into fists. 

Instead of punching Jared, Connor relaxed his hand and said "Seriously Klienman. I'm not in the mood. Please just leave" he started to put an earbud back in his ear but stopped "And tell Hansen to go fuck himself for me, will you?" 

Jareds stomach twisted. Not out of guilt because he destroyed a budding romance, no. It was because he felt bad. Bad that he caused Evan a inevitable panic attack. Yeah. That's it. Not guilt. 

"Actually about Evan," The only implication that Connor had heard what Jared had said was a heavy roll of the eyes. "He's uh, he's sorry," this caused Connors eyes to widen and for him to abruptly stop his iPod, keeping the earbuds in his ears

"I couldn't give two shits, Klienman." He pressed play and drowned Jared out. He could see the other boys lips moving, but he couldn't care less. 

Jared felt his troat start to burn as he fought to be heard over Connors music, which was streaming through the earbuds. Finally he got fed up and yanked one of the buds out of the others boys ear. "Why are you such a dick?" He all but shouted 

"Oh, why am I such a dick?" Connor raised an eyebrow "Take a look in the mirror, Klienman," He went to snatch the earbud out of Jared's hand, but Jared tightened his grip.

"Seriously, dude. Personally, I don't think you're worthy of Evans friendship but that's just me." 

"Yeah well you were right because Evan doesn't think so either," Connor glared at Jared "What the hell is your point then?" 

"My point," Jared glared right back "is that we all say stuff that we regret. Like I remember that time I said I liked your hoodie. God, I regret that. That thing was hideous. I should've just called you a freak and walked away. Anyway, Evan... Evan wasn't Evan last night. He wasn't himself. And when we're not ourselves we do dumb shit. Like that time I dyed my hair blonde? I was drunk off my ass. There is no way I would've done that if I was in my right mind. See, if Evan was thinking straight, he wouldn't have. He's really sorry," 

Connors earbud was still out of his ear but he kept scribbling on his notepad. "Why isn't he telling me this, eh? Why did he send you, his little mother fucking messenger, to do it? Because I don't know if you noticed, Klienman, but I don't trust a thing that comes out of your mouth," 

"I mean that's understandable. But I'm trying to help you. I didn't realize how much he... he...likes you..." 

"Yeah, well... liked. He hates me now," Connor ran a shaking hand through his hair. Jared was still glaring at him, willing Connor not to have any sort of anxiety attack. He couldn't deal with that. Not with Connor fucking Murphy. 

"I'm... I'm sure he doesn't hate you. He doesn't have the heart to hate anyone. He was having a rough night. He doesn't ha-" 

"You didn't see what he wrote! He hates me! More than you do, and that's a lot. God, it even sounded like something you would've said to me. You and Evan are more alike than I thought. Now please, go fuck yourself." Connor shook his head, Jared was hoping his eyes were naturally shiny and not pooling with tears. 

He hated Connor Murphy. He hated Connor Murphy a lot. He hated him because he was crazy, he was rich, he was more attractive than he was- basically he was everything Jared was not. Cool, handsome and rich. He hated Connor Murphy. But... he loved Evan Hansen. He pretended he didn't, but he cared for the anxious boy who loved trees with all his heart. He had always cut toxins from Evan Hansen's life. Always. Like the time in 3rd grade when Evan made friends with this guy, Shawn. He had hated Shawn, but Evan didn't. Evan and Shawn were always hanging out, with or without Jared. He had to admit: he was a jealous little shit. So he always looked for things to get rid of Shawn. Once he caught Shawn trying to put bugs in Evans lunch. Jared had ended that friendship really quickly. He'd delivered a handwritten note to Shawn's house stating that he was a freak and that they couldn't be friends anymore. He'd signed this letter as 'Sincerely, Evan Hansen," 

Evan hadn't even noticed when Shawn stopped talking to him. After receiving the letter Shawn pushed Evan into the mud and called him 'an ash' Evan took this as a great compliment because he thought Ash trees were pretty cool. Jared was pretty sure he meant 'an ass' .

Jared felt absolutely no guilt about it because Evan didn't seem to care. Jared knew he'd done the right thing and saved his friend from a toxic relationship. So when this whole thing with Connor came up, Jared knew he had to protect Evan. Connor was a druggie, he was mentally unstable and he was downright creepy. Jared knew that getting rid of Connor, would keep Evan safe and that was all that he wanted. At some point Jared had to realize that Evan was 18, not eight anymore. 

"Look Klienman, if you have nothing else to say, then please leave." His voice broke, and suddenly Jared felt even worse. "Please just stop looking at me and fucking lea-" 

"I wrote it!" Jared blurted before Connors voice could raise any louder. Connor stopped and looked at him before scoffing "Look. I hate you, but I admire your dedication to Evan. I know you think you have to protect him or something. But you lying on his behalf to spare my feelings is bullshit. If he's really sorry he'll come talk to me but in-

"Murphy! I. Fucking. Wrote. It. Evan is in the lunch room having a panic attack because of me. I fucked up Connor. I wrote the texts. I sent them all to you. I... I was angry and... and I was jealous and I'm sorry. I only wanted to protect him. That's all I ever fucking want! You can't really blame me either, I mean you're crazy! Who knows what kind of shit you'd pull!" Jared looked at the sky and sucked in a breath "but honestly, he needs to be protected from me. I'm a horrible person and I don't deserve to be called his friend" Now the guilt was setting in. It was a new feeling to Jared, and he decided he didn't like it. 

It was a painful thing to admit. He was always so sure of himself. He didn't care what anyone else though of him because he knew he was amazing. 

"You don't. You're a horrible friend. And I hate you. That was a stupid dick move that destroyed any hopes I had of dating Evan." 

"That was kinda the point," Jared shrugged, trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere. Connor looked as though he was about to punch him so he quickly added "No, dude, in all sincerity. I hate you, but He loves you, man. He really loves you and I fucked him over. And that was wrong. All I want is for him to be happy, but he can't be that without you. " This was the most sincere thing Connor had ever heard Jared say. He'd rarely ever heard Jared talk to him that wasn't in a condescending, negative, offensive way. 

"I fucking hate you, Klienman. You're such an asshole. Wow. I hate you, but I'm willing to get along for Evan. It seems we have that in common. We want to see him happy, and I know he's been trying to get to get along for a while. I still hate you,but I'm willing to be... cordial..." 

"Cordial... what is this? The 1800's in Britain?" 

"Seriously. We don't have to like each other, but we can't do stupid shit to hurt each other. Because it hurts Evan and I don't want that. And I know you don't either." 

"Fine. I won't call you a freak, and I won't send crazy texts through Evans phone." Jared picked out a blade of grass and twisted it around his finger. 

"And.... and I won't talk shit about you in front of Evan. It'll be like we're... friends" 

"Friends. Ew." 

Connor rolled his eyes, but stuck his hand out nonetheless. "Truce?" He asked quietly 

"Meh, I guess. For Evan." Jared shook the boys paler hand. 

Connor let go of Jared hand, pulling sanitizer out of his pocket, squirting it into his palm. "Better safe than sorry right?" Connor smirked as Jared glared at him. He stood up, slinging his bag over his shoulder. 

"Where are you going?" Jared called

Connor turned around, but kept back peddling. "To talk to Evan. He deserves to know the truth: that his friend is a dick." 

"Whatever, man. He learned that the day we met," Jared shrugged, standing up and following Connor. 

He'd fixed one half of his mess. Now he just had to fix the other.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't proofread, I probably should have, it's 3 am, I hope it still makes sense in the morning XD 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who stuck around and is reading this! 
> 
> I apologize for the wait, and I hope you guys enjoy it :)

Connor was about to go into the lunch room and apologize to Evan. On his behalf. Jared,undoubtedly had said and done some hurtful things to Evan throughout the year. And Evan had always taken it. But this time, Evan really liked someone and Jared had singlehandedly destroyed that. He was afraid that this time, Evan wouldn't forgive him. Not after he ruined his chances of getting together with his crush. 

Connor had said that he was going to 'tell Evan how much of a dick' Jared was, and he was nervous. So when they got into the lunchroom, Connor turning the corner walking over to where Evan had been, Jared sort of forgot how to breathe. Evan wasn't there however, Alana was sitting by herself, a small frown gracing her features. Her eyes only narrowed when she looked up and saw Jared and they disappeared when she saw Connor standing behind him. 

"You both are assholes, you know that?" Alana put her hook down and folded her arms. 

"I know," they both said simultaneously, glaring at the other once they did so. 

Jared watched as Connors eyes flicked around the room, searching for the smaller boy in a blue hoodie. 

"So uh, where's Evan?" He finally asked when he found nothing 

"Oh so now you want to talk to him?" She folded her arms and continued to talk when she got no response "I offered to take him to the counselor, but he said he just needed air," 

"I need to go talk to him," Connor said turning on his heel 

"You're probably one of the last people he wants to talk to," Jared muttered under his breath.

Connors body stiffened "Yeah, and whose fault is that?" 

"Whatever. I'll come with you," Jared turned to follow Connor out of the lunchroom, but Alana grabbed his wrist. 

"You, stay here. I think Connor's got this. " Jared would be lying if he said he missed the wink that Alana tossed to the other boy. "And if you fuck him over again, I think Jared and I won't have any problem tearing you apart. Right, Jared?" She patted the seat next to her and Jared awkwardly sat, nervous laughs escaping his lips in sputters. 

"Absolutely.... I'll... I'll mess you up Con- Man, if you ever screw with my boy Evan again!" Jared looked like he was gonna suffocate from Connor's glare. 

The glare that Connor was wearing quickly changed into a smirk as he muttered "Right back at you, jackass," before he walked away. 

\--

Connor knew where he would find Evan. Probably in a tree. Their tree. 

Evan was curled up at the base of the tree, his head resting on his bent knees. Connor walked over, pushing down his thoughts of how cute Evan looked, all snuggled in on himself. 

Once he reached the smaller boy, he placed a tentative hand on the boys shoulder. Evan jumped a mile, his hand stabbing into a twig behind him. 

"Shit, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to scare you," Connors brow furrowed as he watched Evans face. It was red with tear marks. "Hey, Evan? It's just Connor. You're friend Connor, remember? Breathe in, come on," 

"I-I'm fine," Evan glared at the brunette. 

"You're obviously not fine. There's a twig jammed under your skin," he grimaced looking at the heel of Evans hand, which had a small sharp twig lodged in it. His stomach churned. Blood was already beginning to seep through the cuts and Evans anxiety must be really high if he can't feel it.

Evan finally looked down at his hand which promptly began to shake "Oh my god," he took an unsteady breath in

"Here lemme see," Connor grabbed the boys hand, Evan jumped. It hurt Connor a bit. They had built up a sort of connection where Evan had gotten used to him touching him. Now they were going to have to start all over again because Connor was a dick. 

He pulled a small first aid kit in his bag. He grabbed some sanitizing wipes and antibacterial ointment. Evan stifled a laugh, a sound that Connor had missed. 

He looked up at Evan "Is something funny, Hansen?" He raised an eyebrow, his lips curling up along with it. 

Evans smile faded as he awkwardly said "I just... you don't seem like the nurturing type," 

Connors smile faded along with Evans. He dabbed the wipe to the open would and said "Because I'm an asshole, right? I seem more like the stoner, the druggie, the freak. Right?"

Evan frowned, wincing as he used a Kleenex to dab antibacterial ointment into the gash. "You're not a freak." He paused and muttered "But you are an asshole," 

"I know and I'm sorry. I wasn't myself this morning. I really wasn't. I like you so much Evan." 

"Doesn't change the fact that you ruined my afternoon. Not to mention when you wouldn't text or call me," the corner of his lips turned downwards.

"I know, it's just..." he paused, wondering if he should say anything about Jared. It would crush any friendship that he had with him. Did he really want that? As much as he hated Jared, he didn't want his hatred to drive away Evans best friend. "Some..." he paused "people," he paused again. People seemed vague enough. "Some people have been really bothering me lately," 

"Why?" Evans frown melted slightly

Connor sighed and looked into Evans blue eyes. "Because I like someone. Someone who's to good for me. Basically told me not to get my hopes up," 

Evan felt his heart wrench. It wasn't him because he wasn't good enough for Connor. 

"Anyway, they said some pretty mean stuff, and I took it out on you. I'm sorry," Connor pulled a blue bandaid from the box and pulled off the wrapping 

The blondes whole face lit up "It's okay Connor. I know I can be annoying sometimes, and if you ever need a break from me please let me know. I mean not that you would take a break from me because I'm sure you don't like me that much. Oh my god, that sounds so self centered. I'm being annoying please just let me know. I'd rather be told off then to loose my best friend-" 

"Evan please shut you." Connor strapped the bandage down to Evans hand, but he had a smile on his face as he said the words. 

Evan was beside himself, lost in Connors green eyes. 

Neither realized they were doing it, but both subconsciously leaned foreword. 

Evans eyes fluttered shut as Connors lips pressed lightly against his. Connors lips were chapped, but Evan barely noticed. All the pain in his hand, all the anger in his body, all the anxiety coursing through his veins had been forgotten as electric sparks burst into his chest. 

"Ay, get a fucking room!" His head snapped up, his eyes rolling when he saw it was Jared. Connor looked up and did the same 

As Jared walked over to the pair, he could see Evans eyes. Though swollen, and red and filled with lust and anxiety, he could see that the boy was happy and he felt guilt twist in the pit of his stomach that he had even tried to destroy that. 

He continued walking to them, figuring that Connor hadn't told Evan about what he had done. He was grateful for it too. His careless actions would have destroyed one of his only friendship of value. 

Connor and Evan went back to ignoring Jared as Evan gripped Connors curls and tugged him in for another kiss. Connor looped his arms around the smaller boys waist, deepening the kiss. 

Jared Klienmen still hated Connor Murphy. And Connor Murphy still hated Jared Klienmen. But they both realized that they had the same goal: keeping Evan Hansen happy. 

Jared figures he's tell Evan about his stupidity in time, right now, he let the boy enjoy his kiss with his boy toy. What he didn't know wouldn't kill him. 

As Connor kissed Evan , he gave Jared a small thumbs up to indicate his gratitude. 

When they finally pulled away, Evan smiled. It was a perfect smile. It was a smile that could clear cloudy skies and destroy any bit of sadness in a person. 

Jared and Connor Murphy were willing to put their differences aside just to keep that smile coming on the other boys face, for forever.


End file.
